The lone beeswax candle flickered on our old English oak table as we all grabbed another snickerdoodle. The table cracks filled with old playdough and cracker crumbs, most of which I’ve given up trying to dig out. It’s ours.
You drank your Earl Grey and us girls sipped our orange tea in Grandma’s “fancy cups”. You held the dime in one hand and our daughters’ attention with everything else, and 1, 2, 3… you created magic. Or perhaps it was the setting aside of dishes or the decision to light a candle and make tea after dinner that sparked something. A little mid-winter magic. Maybe the bliss was in the fact that you’ve been so busy with work, but while you were with us, you were present. Fully ours.
I sat there, feeling completely contented. And little by little, the gratitude bank grew with another family memory, etched on my heart. The list that helps me to remember to slow down to create moments of simple magic.
I end the day by writing down three things that were beautiful or made me smile that day. Three, maybe more. I close my eyes and lean against the black headboard my husband made us in our first year of marriage out of an old door. I try not to cry, but the tears come anyway. My husband reaches his hand over to rub my leg and I want to hide. I can’t seem to fix this 30-year problem.
My skin aches when I wash it, so dry and red. I feel like I’ve tried everything at some point to fix it. Some days are harder than others to bring back to memory the good things those 24 hours held. But there’s always something to give thanks for. Something to notice.
And the following morning I light the little beeswax candle again, 5:50am, and bring my weary and expectant heart to the Lord in quietness and prayer. My favourite “Good Morning Beautiful” coffee mug full of morning brew. Isaiah 26:3 stands out and I reframe it in my own words, “God will guard and watch over and bring soundness to the imagination and form that leans upon and rests in Him, because he feels secure in God.”
So, I lean upon Him again this morning. Lord, reframe my imagination. Help me to see the beauty and the gifts you’ve already given. When my mind wanders in self-protection, Spirit bring me back to trust. Help me to remember it’s not all on me.
And the little by little reminders of goodness and beauty wrap up the wounds and the questions, and I’m able to enter the day with grace. His grace. All His grace.
